


When it is done

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Episode Related, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Introspection, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Short, episode 156 spoilers, this is very sad and I am very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 03:50:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20885651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: SPOILERS FOR MAG 156!!!Martin Blackwood doesn't care.





	When it is done

**Author's Note:**

> _And not one will know of the war, not one_  
_Will care at last when it is done._  
\- Sarah Teasdale, "There Will Come Soft Rains"

Martin Blackwood doesn't care.

It's not a statement he would have ever thought to make of himself, but  _ oh, _ is it true.

He doesn't care if he lives or dies, doesn't care if anyone notices he's gone or if he fades away without a trace, doesn't care if  _ Jon _ notices he's gone, if he misses his voice, if he even hears Martin say goodbye. 

He. Doesn't. Care.

(He cares about soft smiles and tired laughter, that they will still exist in the world and that there will still be a world for them to exist  _ in.) _

He doesn't care if Jon loves him, anymore. Useless, hopeless dreams of reciprocation and happily ever afters have been long since abandoned.

(He still loves Jon. He always has. He always will.)

He doesn't care that the others think he's abandoned them, that Basira thinks he's dying for nothing and Melanie thinks he's working for his own gain and Daisy thinks he'll come back when he needs help.

(He cares that they're all going to get out of this particular disaster alive, that one way or another, whatever gets them eventually, it won't be this)

He doesn't care that he'll be remembered as a betrayer or a coward or not at all, that all he's been and done will be erased in the shadow of this one final action. He doesn't care about his legacy.

(He cares that he will save them.)

He doesn't care that the sun will rise on a day like any other, that people will go to work and school and leisure with no idea that it could have all ended in an instant, that the birds will sing and the trees will grow and the London traffic jams will spill their fumes into the air as thick as the curses of the drivers, and no one will know that he is gone.

Martin doesn't care about the world going on without him.

(He cares so much about the world going on.)

He doesn't even want to say goodbye, to leave a note or a tape. He's done enough explaining himself for one lifetime; he doesn't want to face recriminations and censures and pleas to reconsider his decision. He's considered, and reconsidered, and revised and reconsidered again. And he made his choice a long time ago. He doesn't want to hear it.

(He wants them to be safe. He has always wanted them to be safe. And if they're all happy, it won't be the end of the world.)

(He'll make sure that it's not.)


End file.
